a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize