Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
