My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
