At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
