I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
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