Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
