I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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