I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Randomize
