Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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