I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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