love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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