i just wanna soil my oats bro
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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