My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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