Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Church boner. Awkwardddd
they call him Oral-B. enough said
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
