dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
