This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
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