There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
