awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
That accounts for only three of the penises
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
