I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
