so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize