Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
