thus making me awesome and them whores
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
