I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
