I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
