hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Randomize