you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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