The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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