do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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