Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
