Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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