You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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