Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
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