when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
