she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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