shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
