I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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