Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
