That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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