it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
