do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize