watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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