im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
