zippers are such a cool invention
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
