pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
