My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
