The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
