i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize