i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
