so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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