Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Randomize
