I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Come on in and take your pants off
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