hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
