I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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