He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
