So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
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