So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
