dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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