i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
