i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
