The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
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