I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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