He asked to "fluff my boner.."
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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