I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize