i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
