I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Bring me that man meat
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
