That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
