Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize