They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
