So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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