im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
