I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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