i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
