How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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