He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
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