This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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